It was my best friend’s wedding this weekend. I went solo.
And, I cried on the way.
It was part envy. Part anger. Part resentment. Part total embarrassment for thinking any of those things about my best friend.
Snap out of it, lady! Yeesh. Get a fucking grip.
There were zero single men at this wedding. Well, that’s not true. Uncle Bob (name changed for privacy reasons, of course) was there. He’s just shy of 60. And I kid-you-not my mother said, “Well, he is pretty cute!” Implying, you know, that he might be a valid option for me.
MOM! Ugh.
There are plenty of attractive older guys out there – Anthony Bourdain, for example, was the ultimate silver fox who I might not have said no to having dinner with or taking with me to a wedding. But let’s just say Uncle Bob is not one of them. And if I’m looking that far away from someone available at my own age, well, it signals something greater in my floundering search for Mr. Right.
When we were younger, weddings were a single guy HAVEN. There were eligible bachelors all over the damn place.
In fact, I sort of want to play wedding crasher just thinking about it…
The older you get, however, the number of bachelors tends to dwindle (as I learned the hard way this past weekend).
But, I made it through. I may have had an alcoholic beverage in my hand at all times, and I may have made jokes the entire night about being “a single cat lady,” and, I definitely bragged about my dating column… because, well, insecurity shines through and I was trying to cover it up with the fun and funny things I have going on in my life. But, you guys, I made it. I might even have had a little bit of fun.
And it also taught me a few things:
First, people do not think less of you when you are single. Even if it feels like it (and, if they do, they are jerks anyway so f#ck ’em).
Second, many not-single folks envy that I make all my own decisions, have considerably less financial responsibility, and generally can do whatever the hell I want without answering to a significant other.
I don’t have to consider myself “less than” simply because I’m not in a relationship. If anything, I am able to live a life I want, for me, by me while taking my commitments seriously enough to know when they are not good for me. I should wear my singledom with pride, not guilt.
Also, there are things about my “singledom” to be grateful for. One, I didn’t have to go through a messy divorce. I have heard awful stories of people going through hell while going through a legal split. Major props to you survivors!
Two, I don’t have children. Kids can make things extra complicated. You’re linked for life to another human when you create a baby together (unless of course, they remove themselves from the child’s life entirely, which, is even more devastating). Single parents – I give you so much credit: Be proud of what you’re doing!
Sometimes as I write these posts I may sound ‘woe-is-me,’ or, I use humor to off-set my insecurities… I discovered that I am grateful for where I’m at, and I should think about that as well.
Even if I do have to check the “no plus-one” box on the wedding RSVP.
Read next: That Girl: Dating younger guys vs. older guys
