Is Tinder helping or hurting our unattached locals? I guess it depends on what you’re looking for.
…Or maybe it doesn’t: For the percentage of single Minnesotans looking to simply to meet people, is there any way that is quicker or more efficient? Especially considering a fairly high percentage of that percentage is using it simply because it can be really f#cking hard for some people to meet people.
Especially when you’re new in town: It can be especially tough for newcomers in the Twin Cities: For many Twin Cities newcomers, the social climate is as uninviting as the weather.
Dating on Tinder
But what has really made Tinder such a hit? It’s more than the clever name. Is it the ease of access? Is it the simple promise of companionship, even if only for one night?
Just 10 years ago the interest in meeting someone online was second to meeting them in a dark alley; you had to be pretty desperate. Now it’s an ubiquitous part of the dating scene – a seemingly necessary way for people to meet people.
As Sam, 26, of St. Paul, says, “If you’re just looking for someone to connect with, on any level, there’s no better way to do it.”
Sam has been on Tinder for two years. Many dates have ended poorly (“no connection whatsoever”), some platonically (“enjoyable, but no chemistry”), and some have ended in a night of love, lust, romance, and everything else good in the world.
“That’s part of the fun,” he says.
So is it, as some have claimed, because it turns dating into a game?
As identified in this Harlan Cohen column,
“As long as you’re not married, in a relationship or desperately horny, it can be a positive way to connect. Tinder and dating apps are popular because they turn dating into a game.”
Taking the edge off of the notion of companionship, or, rather, taking the edge off of companionship as identity.
People have long used their relationship status as a way to express and identify themselves. As Anne, 31, says, “It took Tinder to make me realize that it wasn’t companionship for companionship’s sake that I needed.”
The pressure to be in a relationship is eroding.
“Especially for women,” Anne says, “the closer you get to 30 the more people are like, so… getting married anytime soon? Tinder reminded me that meeting people is supposed to be fun. Dating is supposed to be fun.”
But, of course, it doesn’t always work out.
“Many of the people you meet you won’t click with. That’s fine too.”
And, unfortunately, you should probably check them out beforehand: beenverified.com
To saying “I do”
But what about the idea of finding romantic love via Tinder?
Is it too much to ask to think of these relationships as completely normal and healthy without even thinking that Tinder (or any other dating site) was the basis for meet-cute?
Could it have happened without Tinder, or, should it?
The most interesting thing about Tinder is that it works. Not always, of course. But 15% have found serious relationships, and 13.6% are engaged to be/have gotten married (Bustle). And, as the number of users continues to increase, so, ostensibly, will the number of successful matches.
Joanna, who met her husband on Tinder back in 2013, tells us, “I admit I joined Tinder to meet someone serious. I had this nagging feeling that I was never going to meet someone the, I don’t know, traditional way. Tinder seemed the logical solution… after a few failed dates I met Evan. And the rest is history.”
Long term relationships are clearly on the minds of the young and restless: We have to consider a recent study that found that nearly 50% of Millennials identify themselves as “lonely,” and 42% said their greatest fear is ending up alone/never finding love (VICE). In this context, it seems Tinder is something of a relief: At the very least, there is someone out there worth swiping right, and maybe, just maybe, they’ll swipe right on you as well.
Or maybe we just want it to be easy. And that’s okay.
Tinder has become a safe place for people to get to know each other. A place to find out whether or not you care enough to even meet face to face, before you know at least a few things about them/what they’re like, etc.
This is, of course, not a guarantee that they’ll be tolerable in person.
Read about the worst of the worst in this Reddit thread below:
What is your worst Tinder date story? What made it so bad for you? from AskReddit
But on some level, there’s some kind of twisted beauty in that you don’t even have to brush your teeth or put on clothes to match with someone, and you don’t have do either of those things until you know the person is worth it.
(Through sometimes awkward texts, but hey.)
Dating is work. It’s hard, especially with everything else we’re supposed to juggle. There is no neighborhood jamboree or social in the church basement where Opie can meet Sharon and live happily ever after with mom and pop smiling in the background.
For a generation constantly on the go, constantly moving forward, and, in spite of all of this, much less willing to settle, Tinder provides a platform to connect. It’s certainly not perfect (maybe Bumble is better?), but it’s something. You can be proactive without being proactive at all. Maybe you’re on your couch, where you feel most comfortable. Maybe you’re in your PJs. Maybe you have a glass of wine or beer in front of you and your favorite TV show playing in the background.
You’re alone, but you’re connected. You have prospects; there’s the potential that “the one” is waiting for you just one right-swipe away.
And that will always remain true.
Read next: That Girl: Dating younger guys vs. older guys
