Women are strong. We are empowered. It’s a beautiful thing: Not only do we have rights, but we have laws that protect us and work for us as well – finally. It only took a few hundred years.
We still have a long way to go in many respects, but we’re making progress. It’s not perfect, mind you: If some of our current representatives have their way, many rights will be taken away, especially when it comes to our bodies. But I digress; governmental regulations are not the focus here.
During a time when the streets fill with women marching for equality and respect, standing up for what they believe in and making our voices heard in ways unprecedented in this country, I still find myself trying to think of it from a man’s perspective – it has to be challenging for some; given some of the outbursts and push back, I know that it is. I mean, here we are screaming in their faces about women’s rights when really, maybe they just want their opinion heard without it being about gender at all.
It can be hard to sympathize, given how long men have had the final (or only) say. But it’s still a reality.
And it has to be particularly challenging when dating. I wonder if men think they have to tread lightly on some topics. Career advancement, politics, news and media, even Hollywood has been dealing with equal pay issues with regards to gender – and without the guidance, background, and upbringing necessary to know what they should or should not say when discussing them. Can one have an opinion, or even a willingness to learn, without causing offense or hard feelings?
Many men feel as though they have to bite their tongue when a funny joke comes to mind – Maybe it may not be worth the risk of showing their true colors or their sense of humor to prevent potentially hurt feelings or an unintentionally-suggestive meaning.
I am not suggesting raunchy or offensive jokes should be encouraged and/or tolerated. But I do think we should continue to have an open mind and not conclude that a man may think less of women as a whole due to an old joke or a limerick from his childhood that is, more or less, innocent in application.
And I also have to wonder how far the ramifications of this sort of censorship will go. Do men think: “I’m not going to comment on [her/his/someone’s] boss being terrible because maybe they will think I am suggesting it’s only because she’s female”?
Or, maybe, “Offering to pay for dinner suggests I don’t think she should or can pay”?
Or, “I’m not going to open the door for her – she may think I am suggesting she needs it or it is belittling her”?
I can appreciate intelligent and opinionated conversation as well as true “chivalry.”
Last week I went on a date and I was spoiled rotten. I was picked up at my place, doors were opened for me, everything was paid for. I was asked: “How are you doing?” and “Can I get anything for you?” throughout the evening.
(Believe me – these are questions that have fallen far from away from the repertoire of many men currently looking for a date.)
And you know what? I loved it. I felt cared for and appreciated; my presence was valued, and I knew that, at least for a few hours, I could relax and enjoy something a little extra.
Because here’s the thing – I also treated him with respect. It was a two-way street. He treated me in a way that I responded to, and I was able to relax and have a genuine conversation and enjoyable evening as a result. For the first time (in what felt like ages) there was no need for push-and-pull or awkward get-to-know-you questions.
What I am wondering is this: Will the strong-willed, women-forward culture we’re creating foster a divide between men and women? Can we address the culture, the status quo that needs to change, without demonizing or alienating men as individuals?
Is it impossible to look at important topics through something other than a gender-based lens? Will both sides be able to have an opinion?
Will chivalry become a thing of the past – even if some women, especially after putting up with all the rest of the bullshit we do in a day, every day, appreciate it and see it as a sign of good manners and respect – when it comes to fostering a romantic relationship?
And is it wrong that, sometimes, you just want to feel a little bit like royalty?
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